The Mess of Motherhood

Today, I was reminded again how hard motherhood is. 

Cranky baby was settled by anything but nursing. Even the usually magical Solly wrap didn’t calm him down. (So much for babywearing being a cure-all.) 

Big sister decided today would be a good day to tear the house apart. 

Mama drowned her sorrows in brownies, and finally got a chance to work while the kids were taking naps. Meaning she didn’t get to take a much-needed nap. (Yay for nighttime nursing.)

Yesterday went so well. I thought that I was finally figuring out how to balance this “mom of two” thing. Then today hit, and I was reminded how unpredictable life with two littles can be. 

I’m an INTJ. I like order. I like structure. I like new things to constantly challenge me, but I also like stability. And little people are a challenge, but they are anything but stable. 

In times like this, I’m tempted to just throw up my hands and forget about structure for the next few years. Sometimes it seems like it woul make my life easier. 

But then I realized. I am their structure. 

I provide predictability. They know I will be there to feed, change, clothe, and comfort. Isabelle especially has come to rely on our routine, and gets somewhat out of sorts when we deviate. 

But even then, she knows I am predictable in other ways. She knows I will always come to comfort her when she wakes up crying from a nightmare. She knows that, though I may ask her to wait until mealtime to eat, I’ll never let her starve. She knows that I will always love her, no matter how momentarily upset I get when she destroys the house. I am her constant, no matter how many changes she experiences. 

It’s rather weighty to think about. To my two littles, I am their world, their source of stability. They trust me completely. They rely on me to provide consistence when their littles lives are in upheaval with growth spurts, teething, leaps in mental and emotional development, and discovering and growing in areas we adults take for granted. 

I’m convinced that growing up is hard work for both parent and child. And I have to be the source of security in their ever changing world. 

It makes me so grateful that I can find my own source of stability and security in Christ. 

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